The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Again I find myself wondering how to go forward. Just when I feel that I am on a path and really beginning to understand, I look and don't recall where I am. I hear the call, though I can’t see where it’s coming from.



Slowly what seems divine turns and revolves in sinister ways. Fool. Wires, chips, plugs have no meaning. While I am able to just be here on this chat site, with no expectations- I am not that person any more. The childhood laughter and love, the feeling of communion with spirit has been broken. It was not my doing. Over several years others have torn away my soul, broken me in ways that most will never see. Where is my guide, my stability, and love? At times, those haunting reminders misplace me to a time where a passing caress, a light hand on the shoulder said all, I was not alone. I feel abandoned. That I am capable of this journey I have no doubt, somehow I’ve known it would be this difficult. Without my guide, I now find it terrifying. I am frozen to my core, unwilling to choose because I cannot see. I did not want solitude.



Brief glimpses and longing to be understood, blind my sense of self. Wholly supported by those around me, I wish to revert to the magical time that was. Dreams that lead me once, I don’t remember. Life seems to be leaving me behind, while those I love move on and away. For some time I’ve heard the call, had this longing- North go northeast. Yet I can’t ignore my obligations that keep me here, resent them definitely- the water calls, my spirit waits, my path still uncertain. Lost between what I’ve been and what I am to become.



I want to fly again, feel the exhilaration and fire of life. To face my day with full abandon, whilst I love and am free. I want a partnership in spirit, guiding me to solace my home. I always felt that I would be found, that somewhere I was being heard. Maybe I’m too subtle waiting for someone to notice my glance to pick up the meaning of what I’ve said. I want the extraordinary, in detail and full. Instead it is the mundane, the average person who sits here and remembers.



Remembers when the world burned brightly, and each of us saw the full beauty of our incompletion with little care or concern.